Life Update: Turning 18!

Believe it or not, yesterday was my birthday.

Officially 18!

Don't really feel any different, but I don't suppose you ever do, do you?

Anyway, not much for large celebrations, we just hosted a little get together at my house, for family and friends. 

It wasn't much, nothing elaborate, but It turned out to be the best birthday I've ever had.

This year was important for me. Not because I was turning 18, but because this is my first birthday coming out of depression and anxiety, and it just so happened to be my claim to adulthood as well. 

It symbolized new beginnings.

Things are getting better, I am getting better, and I was glad to have something important to celebrate. It may not seem like much from the outside, but this is the first time I've felt truly hopeful. The first time I'm truly looking forward to the future, and feeling like I can cope with everything to come.

So, already an emotional time, my feelings were still a little mixed.

With great power comes great responsibility, does it not?

With all of the hope, there also came a slight pang of fear and shame. 

'I'm becoming 18, and I still can't do basic things, like catch a train or bus. I still don't have my independence, and there's going to be a lot more responsibility coming my way.'

My brain said.

But it's not like that, not really. Yes, there are responsibilities, but the further things are progressing, the less I worry about them. The responsibilities aren't the problem, It's my lack of confidence and independence. 

As my ability to cope improves, the responsibilities seem to fall away. 

They aren't responsibilities any more. 

Loneliness is a common theme in depression, and I know what it is like to feel it so profoundly that it's unbearable. To feel painfully detached from everyone around you. 'I'm with you, but I'm not one of you.' says your heart, acknowledging the thin veil that seems to hang between you and everyone else.

It was only last night, that that feeling of loneliness shifted into something warmer.

I wasn't alone. People really did care. 

I was in a cozy house, filled with people who care about me. 

Who were there because they wanted to be there.

And I was happier than I had been in a really long time.

Things are changing, and I'm so glad.

The dip in energy right now is totally worth it.

I wish you the same happiness, and more.

IvyMoon xxx