Hold on, It will get better

During the dark times, I felt that I saw the 'true' nature of the world;
that it was too cruel, too complicated, too imperfect. Too hard. And that it would be better, easier to just end everything, rather than deal with the world and all of it's systems.
I felt that there was no point. That the world would always be this way, and I couldn't do anything to stop it, so why carry on? Why fight when there was an easier option?
In these times, I felt that I saw the world too clearly, and that others lived in ignorance.
If you feel, or have felt this way too, I understand. Completely.
I understand how painful it is to stay here.
How hard it is to fight against something that you agree with, and that you sometimes wish would win.
'If this is the case, then why fight at all?' I would ask.
Why am I fighting something that I want so desperately?
And guess what, I still don't know why I fought so hard, consciously or unconsciously.
But I did.
I am still here, and things are changing, things are getting better.
I know how painful it is to hold on. like you're hanging from a cliff, and the only thing for you to grab onto to save from falling is a long, sharp blade. Gripping that blade is painful, and sometimes, you consider whether falling would be the least painful option. After all, you don't really want to go back onto that mountain, there is nothing for you there, it's all grey, and you don't want to hold on to that blade, but for some reason, you do.
You do, because you are strong, and you are beautiful, and the world would be a darker place without you in it, and a part of you asks, 'but what if...?'
You don't realize it yet, but there is a fog around you, limiting your sight, colouring everything in a dim shade of grey that to you, seems natural, normal.
But the fog will pass.
It will dissipate, and you will see the colours that you previously missed.
Just hang on a little bit longer. I will help you.
It will get better. The world will get better.
You just have to hold on.


IvyMoon xxx